


hold me tight, let me go.

by raybanned



Category: T@gged (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, lol please kill me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 04:15:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17480993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raybanned/pseuds/raybanned
Summary: They finally locked eyes and that was it for her. She didn’t want to be friends. Friends didn’t look at each other like that. She fell apart under his gaze, just like that night in her bedroom and the night outside Elisia’s house. The world stopped spinning, it seemed, just for them._____In which Rowan Fricks only goes to Brandon Darrow’s house for the sole purpose of giving Fishy and his red cardigan back to him.Not to say goodbye before he leaves for boarding school—no, definitely not that.





	hold me tight, let me go.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song, “lovehate thing” 
> 
> I’ll be honest with y’all I don’t actually pay attention to the details in the show so sorry if I somehow get key information wrong lol.
> 
> Also, there is a lot of repetition in this; I just tend to write that way. This isn’t edited because i was in a rush to complete it before school fucks me in the ass again 😖🙄 (English isn’t my first language either so cut me some slack lsmzkksks) 
> 
> side note: we need more browan fics rip!

**Trevor:** Rowan, he’s leaving tomorrow. You’re reeeaaaally gonna regret not saying goodbye

 

She stared at the text message for what seemed like hours before turning her phone off and falling back onto her bed. She tried to think about what she was going to do for her history project, whether it was better to do a poster or a diorama. She thought about what sections to study for her Chemistry test. She wondered what Hailey was up to and if she was well. She thought of other things—anything to get her mind off Trevor’s text. But no matter how much she wanted to ignore Brandon Darrow, to forget that she had a history with him, he was always there. 

God, she hated him. She hated how he saved her life. She hated how he held her face in his hands because her mother used to do the same. She hated the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn’t looking; she hated the way he looked at her when she was looking back. She hated the fact that she kissed him back twice; she hated that she didn’t regret any of it. She hated Brandon Darrow completely.

But none of that was true and she knew it.

A vibration from her phone made her snap out of her thoughts. She grabbed it, ready to switch it off right away if Trevor sent another text about Brandon.

 

 **Jake:** hey, meet me at the fence tonight?

 

Rowan’s fingers hovered over the letters that would spell out “sure”. She hadn’t seen Jake in so long; they had to meet. She was about to hit send before her eyes landed on a green object across the room.

Fishy. She wondered why she still had it in her possession. She thought she’d already given it back to Brandon awhile ago, a bit after he got out of juvie. With Fishy in mind, she thought about the one other thing Brandon owned that she still had—the red cardigan. 

She figured that she had to give them back; after all, they weren’t hers.

She took one last look at the text she was about to send to Jake before making her final decision and deleting it. She left him on read.

She was going to return the cardigan and Fishy. That was her only reason for going to Brandon’s house. Nothing else.

 

____

 

She wasn’t going to show up; he was sure of it. They weren’t on bad terms anymore, but he didn’t blame her for being distant. After he’d pretty much admitted he loved her that day at camp, he expected it. Guys like him didn’t deserve girls like her. Brandon wasn’t Jake—the guy that Rowan wanted. He could try to be a good person, someone different, but Brandon would still be the person that put her in danger. And he hated himself for that. Brandon would avoid Rowan for the rest of his life if it meant that she would not get hurt anymore.

He never thought that when he’d been partnered up with Rowan for a school project it would turn out like this. That night on his roof changed everything and suddenly, Rowan Fricks wasn’t just some girl anymore.

He was only grateful that she forgave him, but that doesn’t mean he’ll forgive himself.

He fell back onto his bed with a baseball held tightly in his hand. He threw it up in the air and caught it, mind drifting off to another world. He was completely exhausted and all he wanted to do was shut his eyes for a moment.

His break from reality was cut short when three rapid taps pulled him out. His face twisted in confusion as the taps kept on coming after a few seconds of silence. He wasn’t expecting anyone.

He got up, trying to look through the blinds to see who it was. His eyes immediately softened when he saw her familiar face.

She was outside, the prettiest of smiles gracing her lips. He almost forgot how quickly she could take his breath away.

“Hi,” She mouthed, giving a little wave. He thought she seemed uncharacteristically shy, unlike the confident Rowan he knew.

She could tell from his expression that he was dumbfounded so she pointed at the window and said, “Can you open it?”

After recovering from complete shock, he slid the window open and took her hand in his, helping her get inside. When she lost balance and almost fell on top of him, he placed his hands on her waist instinctively, keeping her steady.

“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you come through the front door?” He breathed out after staring at her in awe for what seemed like years. He dropped his hands from her waist.

She looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Her hazel eyes lacked life and her hair was down and all over the place, curls flowing a little past her shoulders. Despite all this, he still looked at her like she was the sun. And he didn’t care if he got blinded.

She looked around at the state of his room and frowned. “I just thought your dad would answer the door and no offence, but I’d really rather not talk to him after the last time we met.”

“He isn’t home, but yeah, he’s a dick. I don’t blame you,” Brandon agreed before rolling his eyes. He thought back to his father’s attitude the last time all three of them were together. His jaw involuntarily clenched. 

“And as for what I’m doing here... I just thought I’d give back Fishy and your red cardigan.” She put the backpack on his bed and removed the objects, holding them out for him to take. 

“Here,” She did a good job in pretending that she didn’t feel uncomfortable giving them back. The things weren’t hers, but it felt weird to return them. It was as if a part of her was going to be taken away.

Brandon grabbed the toy and held it for a moment, staring at it with a look that Rowan couldn’t figure out.

He smiled weakly, “You can have it.”

It was fleeting, but he saw her eyes light up. That’s all he wanted.

“No, Brandon, it’s your childhood toy, I can’t-“

“They’ll probably give me shit at the boarding school if they find out I keep a stuffed animal with me. It’s no big deal; just take it. I think it’s time Fishy and I part ways,” Rowan knew that it was difficult to give up things that you’ve had for so long, so it meant the world to her that he wanted her to keep it.

“And your cardigan?”

“You can have that too,” Before she could open her mouth to protest, he reassured her. “It looks better on you anyway.”

“Thank you.” She responded gratefully.

They stood there in silence with Rowan wondering if this was going to be their last time together.

After an eternity, she cleared her throat and averted her gaze. Looking around his room, her eyes stopped on a line of trophies. She stepped away from him, zeroed in on the gold and silver. Her finger traced the one that had “Brandon Darrow” engraved into it. “You won these? They’re so cool.”

“Yeah,” He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Don’t play that much nowadays, though.”

She didn’t want to acknowledge how cute he looked when he blushed, but it was hard not to when she saw the ghost of a smile.

“I never was into sports, let alone baseball, but since you’re such a pro,” She laughed softly, “Maybe some day you could teach me how to swing a bat or something?”

He followed her laughter with his own. “Yeah, maybe one day I could.”

She turned around and admired the other things in his room, wondering why she hadn’t been inside before. And unfortunately, this was her last chance to look into Brandon Darrow’s world before he was gone. For how long, she didn’t know.

He wordlessly watched as she circled his room, touching his posters and books. It was as if she wanted to memorize every inch of it; like she was never going to come back, but wanted to remember as much as she could.

“Hey, Rowan?”

“Hm?” She spun on her heels, hazel eyes waiting for him to continue.

“Look after Trevor for me, will you? I know he used to be a complete ass to you, but since your mom and his dad got together, his opinion about you has changed completely. I’ve known him for years, but he really does trust you. More than he trusts me. Please, just make sure he’ll be okay. I get worried about him sometimes.”

“Of course. He’s like a brother to me now.”

Once more, they found themselves in a staring match, the fire in her eyes melting the ice in his. Rowan broke contact first. 

She sucked in a breath, “Well, I guess it’s getting pretty late. I should go.”

“Shit, yeah it is.” He said after checking his watch. “Did you walk? I’ll drive you home.”

“Thank you, but I think I’ll be okay," 

“I can drive you home,”

“Don’t worry about it,”

“Seriously, it’s fine-“

“I can get home fine without you,” She snapped, venom dripping from her words. Realizing what she’d said and seeing him flinch at her tone, she immediately regretted it.

Her voice now lowered to the volume of a whisper, she apologized, “I’m sorry. I just... I’ll be fine. I promise. I’ll uh... I’ll leave through the front.”

She grabbed Fishy and the sweater and put them in her bag, heading straight for the door. Just as she was about to turn the handle, Brandon swallowed the lump in his throat and said what he really wanted to say.

“I’m sorry, Rowan. I am so sorry.”

She paused. “What are you apologizing for, Brandon?”

“Everything... everything. I feel so incredibly guilty about the things I did. To you. You shouldn’t have forgiven me. Why did you forgive me?”

She turned around to see a vulnerable Brandon Darrow, shoulders drooped, lips quivering. His walls were broken down, and now, his blue eyes really did look like the ocean. When she slowly approached him and didn’t say anything, he continued.

“I don’t know why I thought I actually deserved you. I don’t, Rowan,” He whispered shakily, eyes growing watery. “I’m not good enough for you. I never have been, I never will be.”

Now she really wishes she never let him climb through her window.

He was distancing himself from her, but like gravity, she was always pulled back to him every time. Instead of obeying the voice in her head that yelled at her to leave, she put her hand on his warm cheek. She looked up at him, thumb stroking his jaw. He realized that no one had ever looked at him that way. Not even Trevor on that one night.

They finally locked eyes and that was it for her. She didn’t want to be friends. Friends didn’t look at each other like that. She fell apart under his gaze, just like that night in her bedroom and the night outside Elisia’s house. The world stopped spinning, it seemed, just for them.

She watched as his eyes flickered down to her parted lips and back to her eyes again. Their lips were hovering. Her breaths hit his chin. The minimal amount of space between them made it impossible for her heart not to race.

After a moment of uncertainty and one last look in his eyes for approval, Rowan closed the gap between them. For the first time, she was the one to initiate the kiss. Brandon stumbled backwards a bit, not expecting her bold move, but he eventually leaned into the kiss, pulling her closer and letting his hands find a permanent home on her hips.

It was nothing like kissing Jake. Jake’s kisses were always somewhat too aggressive, too sloppy. Whenever she kissed Jake, she always felt like people were watching and that they were going to get caught. With Brandon, it was different. Like all the stress in her life was being lifted off her shoulders. Kissing Brandon was a breath of fresh air. It was familiar, warm, and safe. It was good with him.

She pulled him closer by his collar and he tightened his grip on her waist. This embrace felt like it was their last. Their goodbye without words. 

With her arms wrapped around his neck, he deepened the kiss. She kissed back with the same amount of passion he gave, his touch making her feel lightheaded. He felt like he was on fire as her fingers traced the back of his neck. They were close enough to feel the skips in each other’s heartbeats.

Brandon broke away, his lips leaving feverish kisses along her jaw. She moaned softly as he trailed down to her neck, feeling like she was running out of air. He smirked against her collarbone and began to decorate her skin with blossoms of purple. 

And then, her back pocket suddenly vibrated.

“Who is it?” He murmured, continuing to pepper chaste kisses all over her neck.

“It’s...it’s Jake.”

Brandon stopped and met her eyes. He then released her slowly and went to go sit on his bed, upset written all over his face. “What’d he say?”

 

 **Jake** : hey are you coming or not?

 

“He wants to know if I'm going to meet up with him tonight." 

“Oh. Are you?” Brandon bit his lip, fully expecting her to say yes. Why wouldn’t she?

“No.” Was all she said in response to his question. She put her phone on silent before placing it on his dresser.

His eyebrows furrowed, “What?”

“About what you said earlier,” She interlocked their fingers, the coldness of her hand clashing with the warmth of his. Softly, she whispered, “You are good enough for me.”

And with that, Rowan pushed him back onto the bed and their lips connected once more.

 

**Author's Note:**

> kslslslsks queen of not knowing how to write! Please tell ur browan hoes about this AU because I’m a bitch who loves attention and validation. 
> 
> For all my brevor bitches, I have a brevor au also, so check that out if u want! 
> 
> anyway thanks for reading!! catch y’all later.
> 
> (follow me on my instagram @charryknots; i have a few browan edits on there <3)


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